IKEA Part Två

Greetings faithful readers...

They say that lightning can't strike the same place twice... that some things in life are only magical the first time around... oh how wrong they are.

I returned to IKEA...and she wrapped her sweet swedish arms around me and never let go.

We went to pick up a dresser and a couple of tables for Brianna's room. We actually knew our way around this time so we headed right up that escalator to heaven into the showroom. The crowd was much thinner this time around. Some lady was turning over a desk chair to see if it swiveled....a toddler bounced on a mattress...and my family and I blended into the crowd stream like the Salmon of Capistrano.

We grabbed our yellow parachute with handles and headed into the retail fjords. We were headed into the media/storage section when I saw this lamp:


I went over and touched it. Cool lamp, I thought.... that is until Mindy told Brianna that "Daddy wants a lamp that looks like a lady!". I instantly turned red. I didn't just look at the lady lamp...I had touched it. Right around its "head"... Of course I did what any normal lady-lamp touching American Male would do...I took a photo with it. For this blog. For you, faithful reader....my photo with the "lady" who lights up my life...or at least my living room.





From there we did a bit more shopping and headed downstairs. We turned in our yellow bag/tarp/grill cover and picked up one of the IKEA shopping carts. Now, if you've never been to IKEA...you haven't experienced one of the greatest thrill rides in the entire state of Florida. You see, the shopping carts at IKEA have four independent wheels. You can actually push the shopping carts sideways, frontways, backways...any way that you need to to navigate the throng. This does have its disadvantages though. I can best equate the experience of the IKEA shopping cart to "Retail on Ice". When you put one item in your cart it throws the equilibrium off and it starts to slide sideways. Remember the scene in Bambi where Thumper slides on the ice? (If no, rent it...it's got a sad part in it...but you'll get past it) Think of these carts as zero gravity meets jack-knifed 18 wheeler. It's as if the normal laws of physics don't apply and Newton's laws of motion are scoffed at like a Stormtrooper at a Star Trek convention.

Anyway, we got all of our stuff and approached the registers. Mindy had to run back upstairs to check a code so that left Brianna and I downstairs alone. We got bored after a couple of hours (probably closer to 8 minutes) and decided that we would start staring at the ceiling together when people walked by. I told Brianna to watch how many people got alongside us and looked up too. We pointed a couple of times for good measure...and hilarity ensued! Then Mindy came. Fun over. In fact, I didn't even tell her about that prank until we got home...bad daddy.




I was a little saddened when it came time to leave. I took a few more snap shots...browsed the "As-Is" section...and then it happened...I met a few more ladies just ready to take a picture with yours truly....


Pathetic, I know. I don't get out much. Now you all know why.




We picked up our stuff and loaded it into the car. Gone was the opening week fanfare and the ABBA music...gone are the free samples of crunch cookies and the attentive parking staff...all faint memories of a time when life was simpler...two weeks ago. Ah, but a fortnight ago I was basking in the glory that was the Grand Opening.

Now I just return to my hizzle with my bottle of Lingenberry and a smile...knowing that somewhere in the deep recesses of Stockholm, a man is making another lady lamp...and me, a new IKEA fan, will reap all the benefits of its warm glow. Thank you my blue and yellow haven from high price...I shall return to dance with you again.

BV