What do I know about Romance?

Greetings Faithful Readers...

Let me just start out my first Friday marriage/romance post with this declaration: I despise books about romance. Hear me. I don't like them. Why? Put simply...they make me feel like a jerk. They make me feel like the only way that I can bring romance into my relationship with my wife is to drain every ounce of God-given testosterone, rent a copy of Steel Magnolias, and turn in my man-card. Most marriage/romance books make me look like a failure as a husband...not truly understanding my wife....as if she lived in some mysterious land inhabited by heroic and sensitive ladies that were hooked on the Lifetime network.

This book is different. I know. That's what you expected me to say...but it's true.

Every Friday, starting today, I will be diving into what the book "Rekindling the Romance" has shown me about myself and the relationship with my wife. You will hear blunt honesty. You will read the word sex (probably more than once). I will admit when I am not doing the things I am telling you that you need to do. I will not be hypocritical or gloss-over challenging parts... For those of you that know me...you may discover things about me and my marriage that shocks you... or confirms what you already suspect. I don't know where this series of posts will take me...but I do know that they will be my most transparent. These aren't posts about Disney and breakfast cereal. I want God to save and enhance your marriage...and I will do my level best to provide some tools to do so. Pray for me.

Let's kick it off.

I am not a typical man. Most men see the basis of a satisfying marriage as sex. I am not most men. Every book I ever read about marriage before I got married told me that I was supposed to have an insatiable desire for sex. Anytime and anywhere. I wasn't that way. I'm not sure why. I've always seen it as an important facet in a much larger picture. Now before you go and pin the "sensitive" badge on me...it isn't like I didn't desire it...it was just that I saw other things as equally important. I wanted my thoughts listened to. I wanted my space when I wanted it. I wanted my wife to see me as a leader but only when I felt like leading. All of that...and when I felt like some "adult time"...she should be ready for me. I've never written those things down before... but that's the whole point of this first post. You've got to be willing to reveal who you really are to your wife if you are going to bring back the spark.

When my wife brought up this "dual post" idea...I thought about it for a second. I didn't really want to write about a topic that I struggled with secretly. I love her so much..but she knows that...I didn't need to write about the fact that I wasn't some latin lover (or even latin for that matter). But I think the very first way that I began to show her I wanted our marriage to strengthen was to agree to open up and post with her. Guys, we've got to admit to ourselves that we aren't perfect and have room to improve in ALL departments...romance and otherwise.

My wife sees romance differently than I do. She sees our relationship through different lenses. She seeks closeness and vulnerability in a shell of toughness and protection. I do not do all of those well...but, as the author states, I have to understand these things and seek to improve them about myself. That's our first step guys...admit these things. We're blowing it in a lot of ways...and we get the opportunity to fix them. You may not want to openly admit that you are struggling...but you know that things could be and have been better. How about it, guys...are you going to crack open that shell a little and work with me on this? Or am I the only man on the planet who stinks at reading the signals.

The first chapter of this book has helped me realize that I am not alone in my feelings. I am part of a much larger club of guys who hide stuff and fake that they fully understand the dynamics of their relationship. Self-realization is tough. Maybe I am a typical man after all.

This road may be a little bumpy in the coming weeks...but I'm hoping that you stick it out with me. You won't always agree with my opinion...you may want to shout "amen" after the posts...but in either case, it is my prayer that the marriage that God has brought together between you and your wife catches fire again.

BV