Make the Connection

Greetings Faithful (male and married) Readers...

Proverbs 16:24 " Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."

This week we round out the three elements necessary to bring romance back into your marriage. At this point, our wives feel secure and accepted for who they are...now we learn to emotionally connect with them. The book describes three ways to do this:



1) Compliment them
When was the last time you complemented your wife out of the blue. Just because. Maybe the light hit her face just so and you imagined how she looked when you first met...and what attracted her to you...did you tell her that? How about food at home? Do you just expect dinner...or express your appreciation that she spent time preparing an amazing meal? Complementing your wife is crucial. Now I can hear some of you already saying it. "What if she doesn't do anything that I think deserves a complement...when she earns one, I'll give it!"

Open your eyes.

Your wife is always worthy of a complement. Look harder at her...spend more quality time with her...talk to her...appreciate her...try to understand her... you will find the reasons to help her feel good about herself. Your wife should not have to earn complements from you. They should flow freely and regularly. Remember, these complements are meant to come with no strings attached... They are genuine statements designed to make your wife feel like a princess. When was the last time your wife was complemented? Maybe the bigger question is...who was the complement from? If it wasn't from you..and you don't give them out..somebody else will. Are you seeing my point?

Bonus tip: Be sure to talk complementary about your wife...even when she's not around. People around you should know how wonderful you think your wife is...

2) Talk to them
This can be challenging to some men. It has been said that women have twice as many words to share per day then men do...is that true in your house? Do you find that your wife is the primary communicator in the relationship? When she wants to talk with you, what is your first reaction? I'll tell you mine... and it hurts to type this... I am a "get to the point" person. When my wife wants to talk and share with me..I want her to get to the point of the story as quickly as possible. However, the interesting thing in all of this is that when I want to share a story I want her to listen and respond to me as if I was telling her the most interesting thing she'd ever heard.

Ouch.

I need to listen and talk...give and take...focus on her and share what is important in my life with her.

My dad never did this. He would come home...walk through the door to the back room....grunt something out to my mom... and stay disconnected...oftentimes for the rest of the evening. He communicated only when he had to in most cases. You can imagine the emotional disconnect that my mom felt. I have the feeling that this scenario is not as uncommon as I think. Is that you? Are you really talking with your wife? Sharing your day? Communicating the way you feel about things in an open and honest dialogue? If not...start. I know it might be a total 180 degree shift for you to do it....but you will be surprised what wise counsel she might have that will help in your life and the life you share together.

3) Ask her what SHE is feeling
I think the reason most of us husbands don't really ask how are wives are feeling about stuff is either a) We don't really care or b) we don't know what to do with the information. If our wives express their hopes, fears, dreams, and feelings...we instantly morph into fix-it mode and try to rationalize or logically synthesize the information. Don't. Resist the urge. Talk to your wife and ask her some questions deeper than "What's for dinner?" Here are a few from the book to get you started:

-What was one of your proudest achievements before we met?
-What would you say was our best family vacation and why?
-What dreams do you have for our children?
-What do you long to experience with me in our marriage?

Take the risk...ask the questions...focus on the answers...enjoy your wife.

Well, those are the big three: security, acceptance, and emotional connection. I challenge you this week to pick one and run with it. Tell your wife what you are going to do and then go after it with the tenacity that you had when you first wanted to date her...

We live in a world that wants you to act exactly the way you are right now...no deeper...no stronger...with your wife. Let's really go after this and rekindle the romance that we once had. I know you can do it!

Know that I am praying for your marriage. Please pray for mine.

BV

Based on the book: Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of your Life by Dennis and Barbara Rainey