Show and Tell

Greetings Faithful (Married Male) Readers...

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

- "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton

We're talking about the three sparks that will bring the romance back to your marriage. Last week, we hit "security" and this week we're talking about... affirmation. Making your wife feel special...like she's beautiful...like she wants to feel...
I know what some are saying..."I do tell my wife she's beautiful all the time!" If that's you...way to go...that will help fan the flames of romance in your relationship. However, you have to take out every time you've said it with the following motivation:

1) You want sex
2) You are having sex

While it is important to share during those times as well...it is even more important to tell her with no agenda at all. Our wives want to feel valued...they want to be accepted the way they are.... Do you realize that they compare themselves to all of the women that we secretly stare at? Don't worry...they know that you are looking...they're looking too, but with a different motivation... men lust (but shouldn't) and women compare... Has it occurred to you that they are competing directly with the airbrush and photoshop work done in magazines? Our wives feel...too fat, too skinny, not tall enough, not funny enough, different after having kids, self-conscious, self-depreciating, and just plain lousy about themselves sometimes.

It's up to us to change that.

You married an amazing woman. She is beautiful inside and out. When she walks in a room...look at her...she is the most incredible friend and lover you could ever imagine. Now some of you are saying...I don't feel that way anymore...she's let herself go...she doesn't care about the way she looks anymore...she doesn't make an effort for me... All I can say to that is...how selfish. Take a look in the mirror. If you're anything like me, you've probably changed as well. I sometimes tease my wife and tell her that she wants me to have six-pack abs and all I can give her is a party keg (but I'm working on it...). People change...bodies change...our feeling toward our wife's beauty should not change...

What am I saying? You should be your wife's biggest source of affirmation and support. Many husbands I know have taken it upon themselves to try and "change" their wives through sarcasm and "playful" jabs...it doesn't work. Your wife wants unconditional acceptance. After all, God made her. She is precious to Him. You married her. You took a vow to love her in sickness and in health...in good times and in bad...for as long as you both shall live....remember?

The book, Rekindling the Romance, says it this way about your wife...
"She secretly hopes you'll notice and commend her various qualities-her receptivity and obedience to God, her personality, her faithfulness in raising children and making a home. Because you are the most important person in her life, your affirmation and acceptance unleash an inner beauty and a confidence that radiate."

I can promise you this...the romance will return to your marriage if your wife feels loved, secure, confident, and affirmed in who she is. It is my prayer that these posts help you (and me) love our wives with new eyes...and a fresh desire to be the man of her dreams.

BV

Based on the book: Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of your Life by Dennis and Barbara Rainey