Protecting Your Wife

Greetings Faithful (male and married) Readers...

It's Friday again...and time for another tip in re-sparking the romance in your marriage. Today we're going to look at something that I believe often goes unnoticed....at least by the husband... spirituality. If we're going to have renewed passion in our marriage, our wives must feel like we are not only physically and emotionally connecting, but also supportive in the matters of God.

If you are a Christ-follower and you are in a Christ-centered marriage, your relationship is constantly under attack. In the last several weeks I've talked about many of the arenas this takes place in...but the most important (by far) is your spiritual connection. Put simply, the devil doesn't want you and your wife to grow more like Christ. The enemy wants your conversations, sexual thoughts, actions, viewing habits, and future plans to all stay worldly with no thought whatsoever of Jesus. It's up to US, guys, to change that.

Like it or not, if you are a Christian man in a Christian marriage...you are the pastor of the home. You set the spiritual thermostat. If your kids aren't praying or your wife feels spiritually disconnected...guess what...it's your responsibility to change/fix that. Hear this...you will never have true intimacy and romance with your wife if you and she are not tied together spiritually. That's why, as a Pastor, I will not marry people of different faiths or one is a believer and the other isn't. Spiritual oneness (like-mindedness) is critical for marital success and romantic connection.

I am bringing some help today... Here are 4 ways the book suggests that we can lead our wives spiritually:

1) Taking the lead in daily prayer -
James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Let me admit something right off the bat. I stink at this. My wife and I don't pray seriously together very often. Should we? Absolutely. We are missing out on one of God's greatest gifts we have as a couple. You know what's amazing? When we do pray together, we both finish feeling closer than ever...intimacy grows...and we feel in sync relationally. Why don't we do it more often? I could give you excuses like.. "no time" or "we forget to" or the popular "we both have separate quiet times so we don't really need to". All of these excuses are lame. Prayer together is my responsibility and I have been dropping the ball. I spend A LOT of time praying for others on the Internet Campus and have neglected my soul mate. I am not writing this because I am proud of it. Men, this is so important to get right. Pray with your wife...pray for HER... pray for her protection, spiritual development, stress level, etc. and watch God get loose in her life. I am going to work on this and I expect you, faithful reader, to do the same.

2) Taking the Lead in Spiritual Growth
Ephesians 5: 25-26a "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,"

Encourage your wife's spiritual growth. Take HER to church...seek out new Bible study opportunities...lead in family quiet time...get plugged into a ministry group together... Just do SOMETHING! Don't let your wife stagnate and get spiritually drained waiting for you to help out.... and she wants you to help her grow in her faith... You may not see this as romantic, but believe me, when your wife feels like you care about her connection with Christ, it will carry over into the way she knows you feel about her in general.

3) Taking the Lead in Spiritual Defense
Phil. 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I talk to so many husbands who do the first two. They pray with their wives...have an amazing quiet time...attend Bible study together...and then go home and ruin it by watching a TV show that is completely inappropriate. I'm not even talking porn...just violent, foul, disturbing viewing that completely counteracts what you claim to be defending when you carry around your Bible. Your wife want you to take the lead and control the content of media in your house. From movies to music to even video games, she longs for you to set the example. For 11 months out of the year, Sports Illustrated is awesome. That 12th month swimsuit edition may make your wife feel less about herself....get rid of it. Those rated-R movies that you like to watch with the violence and sex...are those what she wants you to feed your mind? I'm not asking you to change and her to stay the same...what I am saying is...talk to your wife about this. Ask her what she thinks about all of this... Isn't your marriage worth denying yourself a little "entertainment"?

4) Forgiveness -
Ephesians 4: 31-32 "Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." (TM)

Do you want to spiritually lead and protect your wife? Forgive her. Demonstrate humility...be like Christ. I love this quote from the book "There is no greater turnoff for a woman than a man who is arrogant, stubborn, and rebellious, one who is self-centered and refuses to admit fault and seek forgiveness."

Wow. Is that you? Is that me? I talk to so many men who tell me "that sounds like how my mom described my dad..." Is that leaking over into your current relationship? If so...make the choice to build intimacy....forgive.

Four challenges...with four very clear ways of building spiritual protection around your wife. Don't make the same mistake that so many people (including me) have made and neglect this...it is not only important...it is the foundation for anything else.

Thanks for reading these...I know they are tough sometimes, but I appreciate your investment of time in your wife and your marriage. I am praying for you, faithful reader. Please pray for me.

BV