The Benefits of Ownership

Good morning faithful readers...

I have been commissioned to compose a blog entry. I have been asked to explain the relational and social benefits of iPhone ownership. If you still need to convince your significant other that the time is right to part with 6 Ben Franklins...feel free to print this blog entry...keep it in your wallet or purse...then take it out as you drive to the Apple Store or ATT store of your choice.

1) RELATIONAL BENEFITS - Wow. I really don't know where to start. The iPhone allows couples to bond like no other time in their relationship. Each and every time I want to talk with my lovely wife...I know that there is a state-of-the-art device at my hip that allows me to do so. Can't any other cell phone do this? (you might ask). Sure, if you want me to talk on a static-filled plastic mess! I don't want to risk our call becoming disconnected and my wife feeling like "If he'd only spent 600 bucks...I could feel like his first priority". I put her mind at ease. I spent the dough because communication with her is paramount to my joy in life.

In addition, having an iPhone allows me to send her text messages easily and pictures that I have taken of foods that kinda look like characters from the sitcom "Hello, Larry" with McLean Stephenson (look it up on IMDB). I can then use Google Maps to chart the location of our next date...check the traffic that might hold us up from getting there...and use the satellite zoom feature to find out what our first house looks like from space.

Finally, when we are on our date...the iPhone's shiny surface (when off)...will allow my wife to fix her makeup in the shiny reflection of the glass. That feature isn't advertised, but I have already used the tar out of it.

All in all, relationally, I must say that Steve Job's technological Frankenstein has improved my quality of life at least 2 cool points.

SOCIALLY - I have always been awkward socially. When people are talking about the latest things...or what happened on last week's "Law and Order"... I tend to struggle keeping up and reacting to what is going on around me. The iPhone has done nothing to change that. Instead...when I remove the sleek, silver bar of awesomeness from its case...I feel a surge of confidence. I know that I can answer any question that comes my way now. All I have to do is sneak away to the bathroom and search the answer out using the convenient Safari browser that is built into iPhone. No longer do I have to worry about life. I still may be a social pariah...but at least I can supply the room with the population of New Delhi, India in 2001 (13,782,976 - Wikipedia). Now that reason alone should make you yearn for the day that you too can part with six bills.

This blog has made me want to buy and wear a second iPhone...just in case my first one fails.

Pastor Troy needs an iPhone. Bad. What's one more line?

Brian Fuller needs an iPhone. Marriage? Only going to be a stronger marriage with iPhone!

Heredes needs an iPhone. How can a man this cool go without an iPhone? It's like Spider Man without his web shooters....it just shouldn't happen.

I believe in these men and can only hope that this blog post has shed some light on how truly groundbreaking this device is.

Good night...and happy iPhoning.

BV