Commitment to the Core

Greetings Faithful Readers...

surprise |sə(r)ˈprīz| noun
1 an unexpected or astonishing event, fact, or thing
• a feeling of mild astonishment or shock caused by something unexpected

What is this a picture of to the left? I'll give you a minute... What did you say it was? A banana? A peach? Of course not...it has to be an apple. Let's take a closer look at it... red skin, nice yellow coloring of the fruit, great apple core shape...it's got to be an apple. In fact, I would buy this fruit, stick it in my fruit bowl, and just enjoy the ripe red color of it...thinking that I had found the perfect apple specimen. I mean, I'm no apple expert...but I certainly know everything about this particular beauty.

Turns out this isn't an apple at all. It's a "Grapple"...an apple that tastes like a grape (www.grapplefruits.com)... I've been tricked! That beautiful "apple" is NOT what I thought it was!

Are you following me already?

Some of your marriages are just like this grapple. She looked like a princess...you courted her...she smelled amazing...you shared common interests...you laughed together and dreamed together...got married to her...brought her home... experienced an amazing first year or two...then her real "flavor" began to emerge. Have you ever asked yourself these questions from the book?

"Why can't she cook as well as my mother?"
"Why does she have to talk so much?"
"Why doesn't she want sex as much as I do?"
"Why can't she ever be ready on time?"

She looked like the perfect wife... said the right things... looked the part... You thought you married a prize...but you got a surprise? I hear it often.

Some of you right now are wondering if you got a bad deal. C'mon. You feel trapped...manipulated...tricked. I understand. Maybe some of you have thrown out the "D" word (divorce) in conversations before...perhaps a couple of you have threatened to walk out on your family... or maybe there's even a few of you who have. Here's the truth. If you want romance to return to your marriage....your spouse has to feel secure in your commitment to her...regardless of the "surprises" that may have surfaced.

In order for your wife to feel your commitment (surprises and all), she's got to have these things from you...

Your love, respect, spiritual leadership, trust, patience, encouragement, faithfulness, commitment, and acceptance.

I know...I know...you're already pushing back..."why is it always on me?" What about her? Why isn't there a list of what I need from her? Because this is about you. It's about me. Here's the deal. You aren't going to be able to change your wife. Say it with me. "I will never be able to change my wife...I can only change myself." Alright? Let's start there.

Want to know how to deal with those little surprises that have risen to the surface of your marriage? Remember these three critical facts:

1) God brought your wife and you together. He wants it to succeed more than either of you do.
2) Respectful and God-honoring communication is critical for you to better understand your wife
3) You (and I) need to be less selfish (Hebrews 12:1)

The book puts it well... "He [talking about us] must decide whether he's willing to put aside his hobbies, his agenda, his sports, or other desires and commit to loving his wife no matter what comes..."

Is your wife worth it? Let me help you with that... Yes she is. All day long.

This isn't easy for any of us. We didn't bargain for what we married into sometimes... but we've got to make the changes in ourselves first...it is then (and only then) that we can then work with our wives to resolve the larger issues. Your marriage and commitment to your wife and to God is worth it. It is only by navigating through this phase of our romance...that we can ever hope to get to the third (and greatest) stage: cherished, committed love. And that's another post...

Until next time,
BV

PS: Check the apples in the fridge...one of them might taste like a grape!